A more personal post today, because I felt like talking a little more about what I want out of life in general. For those of you who don’t know I’ve been in a relationship for almost eleven years, and there are times when I can’t quite believe it’s possible, as we got together in college. It never once crossed my mind we’d be together for as long as we have. We’ve been through a lot together, the way you do when you’ve been together for that long. No relationship is perfect, and ours definitely isn’t, but it doesn’t matter, because he makes me happy. That, to me, has always been so important, because I truly feel that something shouldn’t be in your life if it doesn’t make you happy. Of course that’s often easier said than done. We live together, in an annex close to the house our landlords are in, so we have our own kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living room. For us, at the moment, it works.
There are things we want out of life, and things I want out of life. Some of those are things I’m not certain we’ll ever be able to have. We became adults right at the wrong time. We live in a county it’s really expensive to buy a house in, and, due to family, we don’t really want to move. I’ve never had a ‘real’ job, because I’ve been self employed since I started working. We made decisions we had to make due to what was happening around us, not always because they were the decisions we wanted to make, which will make things much more difficult than they would have been if we were a little more lucky. In the grand scheme of things none of it matters. Not to me. For me, and I don’t know if other people see things the same way, the most important thing to me is that I am happy.
My focus now is on being happy. Not so long ago I was trying to focus on goals that weren’t making me happy, and because they weren’t making me happy I was procrastinating… a lot. I didn’t want to do anything. The biggest issue was that I didn’t want to write, and for a writer that was exceptionally hard. Even though I was doing my best to keep myself upbeat I cried, as I felt like lost a part of me, but, slowly, as I let go of what I felt I should be doing, I got back to writing. I’m back to enjoying myself again, which was what I needed more than anything. I’ve regained my mojo, and I’m so relieved.
Obviously happiness isn’t going to pay my rent, so of course I still need to work. Ghostwriting doesn’t always make me happy, but I do what needs to be done, because I like having a roof over my head, and food in my stomach, and to buy books, and stationary, and presents from people. In time, I hope, I’ll start bringing in some income from the website. For now that’s not what I’m focusing on. For now I’m focusing on writing what makes me happy and posting it. That’s the most important thing.